Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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