wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize