Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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