Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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