I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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