How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
