You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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