She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
