there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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