Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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