What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
