i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
