You work out of a Hotel?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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