I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
