I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
