I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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