I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
