Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
