So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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