I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize