I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize