Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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