U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
