Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
