Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
