I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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