Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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