I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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