I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
