Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
