when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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