my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were trust falling into bushes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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