He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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