it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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