Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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