its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
