I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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