At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
