it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
