there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
