I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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