he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
