Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
