No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
