i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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