it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
