i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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