at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
