Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
