I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
