I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
