I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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