I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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