Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
