So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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