i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
