You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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