looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
