He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
