Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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