I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
