It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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