i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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