He is an equal opportunity slut.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
