Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
