best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
