I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
