I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
