i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
