Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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