just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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