i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
