Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
