sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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